Ten men met up at the Cauldron to see what YHC would come up with. Frogger opined that I was hiding a deck of cards in my pocket, but then he noticed the elephant ears (pockets turned out). I asked if he wanted to see the trunk. Meanwhile Omaha was warming up with yurpees and gloating about the cold weather he recently enjoyed in Indiana. Titan showed up cradling his bell (which could have camoulflaged itself in Gnarly Goat’s sweatshirt had he joined us). Shortly thereafter, 6 other men rounded out our crew and we got started with our day.
Omaha claimed he chose the workout with the least amount of running so YHC felt obligated to start with a joggy jog out of the parking lot alongside the firehouse, along Old Statesville and around the corner at the light, then behind DPK and back to the bells. That was uncalled for and would not be called again. Nor would yurpees or anything else that resembled a burpee. Instead, we grabbed our bells and made our way to the darkness of the top deck via the stairs.
In honor of The Force — who is faking the ‘rona so that his M will bring him bourbon in bed for 14 days while he quarantines — we started our morning with some Tennessee Carrot Pullers. We added in some SSH, slow squats and arm circles while the Q tried to decide whether Titan or Frogger was going to be the most chatty this morning (too close to call). Then it was time for the main event.
I cannot take credit for the fun that was to ensue. Someone had put the idea in my mind at the end of a previous Cauldron; all I did was force everyone else to join in on the reindeer games (except for Topgun who apparently prefers to keep his bells squeaky clean). The plan was simple — AMRAP kettlebell exercises with the “timer” being an alternating pax who would drop their bell from the top deck to the saturated grass below, run down the stairs to retrieve it and return to our merry group. Rinse and repeato around the circle.
Titan was up first. He was reluctant, but with a little peer pressure, he timidly let go of his bell as it hung precariously over the edge of the deck. It took less than a second (Burner, can I get a math check?) for the glorious SPLAT! as the bell sunk into the wet turf at the bottom. Then we all began with kettle bell swings AMRAP while Titan went to inspect the damage. He took his sweet time (rumor has it he stopped to “polish his bell”) but finally returned so that the fun could continue.
It only took two turns to come up with the idea of trying to get one’s bell to land in a previous pax’s divot. A few came close, but then all was said and done, there were 9 craters in the ground. I think it was Diehard that opted to drop his bell on the side of the deck to hide the evidence. A few followed suit, but found that the longer drop also led to a longer rescue. Ultraman sought to enhance the fun by adding a swing to the release which resulted in a more satisfying PLOP!
After everyone else had a turn, it was time for the Q to drop his bomb. Following another moist landing, I headed for the stairs as Amen called out the bent over row. YHC hurried down to get his bell and save the pax from having to do too many reps only to return to an empty upper deck. The pax had mutinied and I was left without a crew. ARRGH!
With the clever prank complete, the pax reassembled at the top and the Q suggested everyone drop their bells one more time prior to returning to the parking lot below for MARY. After no one had managed to land his bell in someone else’s hole (#softball), I had the bright idea to see if anyone could land his bell on another’s bell.
As it turns out the MQ would not disappoint. Ultraman adusted his position as if he were going for the plushest teddy bear in the claw machine at the roller rink. With precise aim, he let go of his bell and instead of a satisfying thud, we all heard a surprising CLANG! He had nailed my bell dead on. High fives for everyone amidst laughter as we headed down the stairs to see the outcome.
The result? The handle of YHC’s 35 pounder split from the rest of the bell which was buried so deeply in the mud that it took a part of the severed handle to dig it out. To Ultraman’s credit, he was apologetic for the outcome, but I took full blame since I had come up with the idea and admitted it would be nice to return to the spare 25# bell until I could acquire a replacement.
We wrapped up with MARY by committee while everyone made jokes about the broken bell. We finished with a prayer – including news that Frontier’s house was ruined by a top floor toilet mishap while out of town — before heading to Main Street Coffee for caffeine and peppermint bark courtesy of Topgun’s M.
Thanks to all who joined YHC this morning. Despite the broken bell, YHC had a glorious time watching bells drop. If anything should show up in the news about lawn damage at DPK, just remember that we are pointing fingers at Camp Gladiator. I look forward to seeing all the Cauldron faithful at the next workout in 2021. Merry Christmas to all!
In lieu of a moleskin (with many of the shenanigans included in the preceding text) I encourage the rest of the attendees to offer alternate titles for this morning’s festivities in the comments below. Alternatively you can share any stories I missed, or offer your sincere condolences for my 35# bell that was officially retired following this morning’s workout.