[FNG1 = Pooh] [FNG2 = 5G] [FNG3= Iron Bar]
In celebration of my 1 year anniversary of being dubbed a hair removal product, I figured it was probably time to do my VQ and Gladiator was as good a place as any. It was stupid cold and yet still 23 of the finest PAX in the area came to show their support (or get their regular reminder of what not to do, TBD). Little did they know my theme of a "year/one year" was about to happen. Stammering disclaimer was given and off we went.
Warmarama
Mosey to fountain area
SSH x 12 IC (like 12 as in 12 months)
IST x 12 IC
Dwight Schrutes x 12 IC
(grab a bench)
Dips x 12 IC
Inclined Merks x 12 IC
Mosey to the blocks (lesson learned= be super specific about how to get places…noted)
The Thang
YHC provided instructions to partner up. Partner 1 would serve as timer, running around the parking island. Partner 2 would begin the excercise and then switch. Counts were cummulative as follows:
365 block curls
365 air squats
MQ steps in to give YHC a breather and calls skull crushers and merkins IC, did not sit well with PAX. Mumblechatter was strong.
During a run around the parking lot, Turnpike reminded me that there are other numbers representative of one year…like 52 (this also more favorable for runners, noted).
Much to YHC's surprise, time went very quickly. Headed back towards cars for a quick Mary and COT.
RECOVER, RECOVER
In all seriousness guys, it took me a L-O-N-G time to get the courage to buck up and do it, for a number of reasons….all of the them terrible excuses.
- "I'm not fit enough yet."
- "I can't do it, so how can I a Q it?"
- "Who am I to lead a workout, I have the daddest of bods?"
- "I'm not good enough"
That last one really stings, and is an unfair, self-imposed limitation I know I'm not alone in feeling. When Swing State EHd me to coming to post, I was in a really dark place. I had lost my job, was feeling depressed and anxious and worst of all: alone. I saw nothing ahead but an empty, miserable existence. I wasn't even a Sad Clown at that point, because I wasn't even trying to hide it anymore.
And I wasn't a stranger to F3, very familiar with the org when I worked uptown and would see the Mecca crew running through shirtless (maybe there's something there, but I digress).
At my lowest point, having lost sight of who I was – a man of God, a husband, father, brother, uncle, son – I felt completely hopeless and invisible. My vice was/is food and while you can't get drunk or high off most food, the unhealthy effects took a similarly devastating toll. Made me tired all the time (combined with drinking and depression), I was angry…at my life, my kids, my M. I was the worst person to be around.
I was also in the worst shape of my life and the last thing I wanted to do was go to a 530AM workout. Not surprising was…I hated the workout, it poured rain and I felt like I was going to implode. To my surprise though, after posting again I found what I really needed. It wasn't fitness (regardless of how much I needed/still need) but a group of men who genuinely cared about me being there and encouraging me for for what felt like the first time in a long time. Guess there's some magic in those second and third Fs after all.
I'm not "fixed", far from it. I see that and am still working on it. I got help for my mental heath and feel better than this time a year ago. But what I know now, some 365ish days later is that I'm not alone. I'm not invisible and there are guys just like me. SO on my VQ, you 23 that showed up are part of a new chapter, the next chapter for me. My confidence is growing, my physical and mental health improving.
You guys rock and have been a rock this past year – thx for that! *muscle*
See you in the gloom,
Nair