10 men awakened to the most wonderful time of year, filled with hope, joy, beer, and shenanigans. The greatest of these being shenanigans! Here is their story:
0015: YHC working tirelessly to plan the most accommodating yet challenging leg logistics for the world famous Incog Elite (TM) team. Normally the Captain will just assign legs and the team goes and runs them, however when you are on a team that is filled halfway with Tesla owners, who are also big whiny vanilla coke drinking premadonnas who would only be content with perfection…you must produce perfection!
0445: Staying up late looking at relay legs was a mistake…sleepy
0448: More SNOOZE!
0502: this is gonna be close, lets go!
Okay guys, I don't want to make a big deal about this, but we have actual runners coming to visit the Caboose now. Little Finger has now visited 2 out of the past 3 weeks, even when we moved to our very festive holiday VRBO, he still showed. I don't think I am exaggerating when I say he is begging us to invite him to the strava team and multiple text channels. I give it 2 months before he fully commits to the incog life and joins us for a relay…can you image the possibilities!
And then Optimus showed up. I’m sorry, but this needs to settle in a little bit. I was so shocked that I didn't even notice he wasn't wearing shorts (I always notice). Despite the distraction of his outfit, YHC was honored that not one but two actual runners came to take part. I have to come clean, the only reason we made this workout “public” was to annoy the LKNatope Brass and mock their incessant begging for the following of rules and structure. That being said, look at what has happened, in less than a month The Caboose has turned out to be the most popular Thursday run south of gilead rd and north of Mt Holly Huntersville. I don't want to jinx it, but we may start looking at printing some t-shirts and other insignia of that nature…stay tuned.
Okay, I digress, 0517: We are off, people ran down a road, then turned, then down a hill, then up a hill, then by a pool, then up another hill, then down that same hill, then we lost T-bone, then up one of the previous hills, then back down a road, then turned again, we didn’t lose Turnpike, then stopped.
0600ish: We see other men working out freely at a fellowship pace, also noted the cute little jeeps parked in unison. Really proving my point there Goat Busters.
Now a time of reflection as we embark on March madness. Today marks the start of the best three weeks in sports. The reason it is the best: Because it gives people something they so desperately need…hope! You see, nobody really believed that little directional school from Maryland could come into the NCAA tournament and upset a #1 seed. I mean, Maryland is barely a state, and it was some random school from some random county in a random state…but they did it. They gave us all hope that we could believe in the unbelievable.
I remember a time where this came true for me and Calypso. One day, back in 2014ish, Calypso and I were rucking on the Stephens Grove trails one Sunday afternoon with our kids and dogs. It was a beautiful spring day (probably), and after the ruck, we stopped to let the boys play at the neighborhood playground while we enjoyed a somewhat warm Dale's Pale Ale or 3. And then it happened, from the woods emerged a plump, bald, shell of a University of Maryland – Baltimore County Retriever. He waddled out from behind the trees, couldn't even use his words, and kinda just pouted while staring down our beers. Calypso said, hey little buddy, do you want a cold one? He whimpered “uh huh”. So we pulled a beer out and helped quench his thirst. Little did we know, he would start talking and talking and talking, Most of his nonsense involved wholesale bike rentals and vlookups. Weird conversation, i know, but this was only the beginning. He proceeded to drink all of our beers (hence the name) and after a couple hours we asked which kid was his. To that he replied, “Huh?” Not only was he hanging out at a neighborhood park behind the bushes, but he was there with no kids, no dog, no plausible reason for lurking in the park shadows. Friends, when we first encountered this sack of despair, he could barely maintain eye contact, but now after 7 years of tutelage, he has maintained gainful employment, he has become a loving father and somewhat respectable husband. This little 16 seeded cupcake has even started volunteering in his local church and kid's school events.
Speaking of school events, for all you people saying "Donuts with Dad" and "Muffins with Mom" is not inclusive, give me a break. I have no problem if your kids are raised by two men, or two women (looking at you Freepass), it is fine by me. And if you want to call it pancakes with parents…feel free. But there are enough days in the year to include kids who don't have a dad or mom in their own "oatmeal with others" or "bagels with breadwinners"! You don't have to ruin a good thing so you can make a point, we get it!
Now, speaking of liberals, back to Tater Nuts. I am so proud of what we have been able to accomplish in just under a decade. He has shown up on more than 3 occasions this month before the sun came up. That, my friends, is a new record! He is on track to make history this year, so when you see Mooch, please give him a pat on the back, or a beer, and let him know how much you love him.
In closing, I included Mini me on this BB because he showed up for coffee and because of his superior swim coaching and Garmin help desk abilities. He may have not done anything as a Nantan, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be respected.
And also Toxic. He did not run with us, but he made a comment that it looked like I had slimmed down. And if you know me, you know that words of affirmation will get you everywhere, including on a backblast. And I don't care about your metrics or rules, Toxic gets double credit from me today…{hugging emoji}
Lastly, please pray for Black Eyed Pea, his phone doesn't work and he won't answer my IMs at work. Some may say he is avoiding me, but I feel like foul play has occurred. Let me know if you see him and tell him we miss him.
Hugs and Kisses, Jolly
Argh!