It all began as a fever dream whipped up in the frenzied imagination of a desperately ill man—a man not content to subject only himself to the terrors of the wicked perversion of a harmless game, but rather to invite the willing participation of other men unaware of the perils that they would soon face.

No, this is not the Wikipedia summary of The Squid Game; it’s Your Humble Correspondent’s description of the Brisk Golf™ game that took place at Bedrock on Saturday—a game that could best be described as the bastard child of a harmless round of disc golf and a frenetic incarnation of an F3 bootcamp. Brisk Golf™ is the modern man’s answer to the question: “Since I have no plans on Saturday morning, why don’t I go run like a crazy person over wildly uneven terrain in a attempt to defeat other crazy people seeking to be the first to put a piece of plastic in a metal basket guarded by seemingly sentient chains?”

With six unwitting participants possessing more optimism than good sense, we had the makings of a memorable confrontation on an epic scale. 

Team Airstream /Jersey Boy took an early lead thanks to some solid drives off the tee and excellent putting by Airstream.

All parties remained injury free and no shenanigans occurred. This silent truce was not to last. 

Hippie/Soprano picked up a hole early on, but they had let many more slide through their increasingly muddy fingers. 

Despite posting no wins after 7 or 8 holes, the dauntless duo of Blackbeard/Waffle House rallied for a late Cinderella-story comeback, with several holes won without any cheating whatsoever. Probably. 

The hole that turned it all around for Hippie/Soprano was dubbed “Grandma’s Hole” by Blackbeard due to its seemingly simple approach (which turned out to be an optical illusion). This led to the immediate conclusion that it should heretofore be referred to as “Blackbeard’s Grandmother’s Hole.” Soprano sunk a 100-footer for a sweet birdie that shocked everyone—Soprano most of all. 

Due to our consistent speed, diligence, and trust in Waffle House’s navigation skills, we managed to penetrate 21 holes (just like back in our college days). In the end (insert Blackbeard’s Grandmothers’ Hole joke here), no ears were partially severed (Jersey Boy), no ankles were broken (Moses), and no consistent talent was displayed (the entire Bedrock contingent). However, we struck so many trees with such apparent intent that we received a court summons from The Arbor Day Foundation. 

The final score was tied at 7-7-7 (as far as you know), so everyone retained their dignity.  We moseyed back to home base for a quick COT and adjourned to Starbucks AT&T for some witty repartee enhanced by $4 oral caffeine injections. 

Thanks to the five great men who joined me this morning to brave the dark and mysterious woods by participating in Brisk Golf™, the great sport of kings! Don’t forget to check out www.Oxfam.org or www.MercyCorps.com to support those who are suffering so greatly all over the world. Let’s share our abundance and our good fortune! 

(Blame any factual errors on my advanced age.)