When Swing State offers you the keys to the hardest workout in the ‘Tope, you say yes without hesitation. So, that’s what I did. It also gave me an opportunity to bring a little bit of Metro to the lake. Always a little jarring for those unfamiliar. So at 5:30:01, we launched with no welcome, no disclaimer. Breakfast Club and Frodo know what’s up; others were a little confused.
Here’s what you missed (Don Ho):
Lap around the lot with butt kicks and high knees at each street lamp.
10 merkins, 10 squats at every lamppost (11 or 12 I think) to Devonshire.
Next exercise is … plank to failure (which sadly only lasted about 2.5 minutes), far short of the world record of 9 hours, 38 minutes … if you haven’t seen the YouTube video, go check it out. Dude vomits while in the plank and keeps it up. That didn’t happen at FKT, but I think Crocs was close. Surprisingly, Swing State was the first to drop, but he may have just been more interested in doing burpees (the punishment for ending the plank).
Burpees at each lamppost to the Birkdale clubhouse.
Head to the pull up bars. Dead-hang to failure. Breakfast Club seemed confused about how to do a dead hang and may have been the first to drop. Or, maybe he didn’t ever start, not sure.
Back to the lot for 10 wide-arms and jump squats at each lamppost in the parking lot.
Next … flutters to failure. I can’t remember what number we made it to. I blacked out. But I never stopped. I think it was in the 60s. Crocs was not a fan of the flutter failure (no one was, really, but Crocs complained the loudest).
Back to the street, with 5 diamonds and 5 jump lunges at each lamppost back to the top of Devonshire.
Run it back to the AO lot, with a quick stop at the dumpster wall for a wall-sit with a shoulder press … to failure (gotta love a workout with a theme, right!?!). Knees were shaking early. Not sure how long we made it. We all fell far short of the world record for longest wall sit, which is apparently 11 hours, 51 minutes (damn, that’s crazy).
We finished at 6:15:01.
A few random thoughts:
Lots of Goat Busters in attendance, but no Don Ho. An FKT with no Don Ho feels weird.
Hoodie is considering running for County Commissioner. Or maybe Breakfast Club already filed the paperwork on his behalf? I’m not exactly sure. But, if you see his name on the ballot, vote for him. He has a plan to address the Huntersville Lagoon development. If he wins, he’s also opening a bagel shop.
Auto hadn’t made it out of bed before 6 am this entire summer, but he’s made it to back-to-back workouts this week. Watch out.
Swing State like Golden Cow Creamery an uncomfortable amount. Like more than he likes his kids. He has the owner’s cell phone number in his phone for no other reason than to call him and beg him to open a Golden Cow near him.
Thanks for the opportunity fellas. I’m a better person because of each of you.
Matlock