12 men got after it on the 2nd day of October. They were pleasantly surprised to step out of their houses into cooler temps, but had their bubbles burst when they found Omega was MIA and YHC was the subtitute. Turns out Omega had an anniversary that he apparently remembered at 1830 Monday evening and asked YHC if we could switch weeks. Since I had been itching to Q at PAINinsula to see if the rumors were true about it being the best AO in Cornelius, I jumped at the opportunity.
YHC arrived early (but not early enough to join Stromboli and Sudz for #TheStandard because running) to scope out the location. In reviewing previous back blasts, it seemed that most workouts focused on the four corners by the gazebo with crude exercises beside BBC, or running through the neighborhood with horseshoes. If this is supposed to be the best AO between exits 25 and 28, shouldn’t there be more creativity than that? YHC set a goal of injecting new life into an old AO and giving it purpose in its claim. Here’s how we did it.
TEETER PARK(ing lot)
At 0530, as the pax were pondering the whereabouts of Omega, YHC began moving and said “Follow me.” Despite a moment’s hesitation, the pax (reluctantly) followed. I may have heard some groaning but all fell in line as we sauntered through the parking lot with a medley of
- Mosey
- High Knees
- Butt Kickers
- Carioca
I offered a weak disclaimer (no FNGs and no knowledge of MQs injury to come) and explained how Goat always talks about attending one of my Qs on Sunday morning, but then fails to post. It took switching with Omega and not announcing it with a #PB to get him to show. And to show my appreciation, we started with
- Merkins x15 IC
I went on to say that I was stepping in for Omega because it was his anniversary and he felt it was better to celebrate with his M than with a dozen sweaty men. To each his own, but we still felt called to celebrate in our own way and continued the workout with
- Monkey Humpers x15 IC
- Pickle Pounders x15 IC
While pounding the pavement, someone (Yosemite?) shared his feeling about my last Cornelius Q at JV Washam where we did an SSH Marathon. Not wanting anyone to feel left out, we tossed some of those in as well
- SSH x15 IC
With the heart rate up, it was time to take advantage of what this “fine AO” had to offer. What’s this? Is it a place to return your carts after shopping, or is it an Urban Pull-Up Passage?
- Run to cart corral and do 3 pull-ups on the overhead bars
- Hurdle (or climb over) the rear railings that back up to each other
- 3 more pull-ups on the adjacent corral
- Repeato for the other 3 sets of corrals
GROCER’S ALLEY
Taking a break from the finest parking lot Cornelius has to offer, we sashayed over to corner of Harris Teeter and found some room along the brick ledge.
- Dips x15 IC
Next, we moved around the corner, past the massive bucket of cigarette butts and into the creepy alley beside the store. I heard the pax mention they had never been here before. Well then, I guess you never did fantastic things such as
- Grabbing the overhead ledge for Muscle Ups to chin level x5
- Plank w/ head at wall and raise hands one at a time to press against wall before returning to plank in an Unnamed Exercise with a 4-count motion
- People’s Chair with
- Wonderbras x15 IC
- Touch Them Heels x15 IC
TAKING IT TO THE STREETS
With first blood spilled, YHC decided to meander away from the alley in a hurry and move back to the well lit parking lot for further fun
- Captain Thors (WWII situp with American Hammer IC going up from 1 each to 7)
And from there we rambled over to the wall by the entrance to the lot for
- Step-Ups x10 each leg, coming to fully erect atop wall (let’s see who’s reading to catch this #softball)
Followed by a short traipse to the nearby island for
- Absolution (aka Ab Solution) – a combo of Makhtar N’Diaye, plank jack and merkin in an 8-count exercise
BEARS, BURN & BRIDGES
Based on perusal of several back blasts, a trip to BBC was expected and so we toddled over to the gazebo where we formed two lines and
- Bear Crawl up stairs of gazebo and down other side
- Repeato
- A third time but Crawl Bear
Being so close to BBC, it was a given we would do a little window shopping, but with humpers and pounders already done at the beginning, we were forced to
- Glute Bridge x15 IC
WHY YA BUGGIN?
We returned to our starting point with a little time for MARY. I attempted to get the cyclists who had returned from their 20-mile ride to join in by doing routines they might have done years ago when they bootcamped.
- LBC x25 IC
- Freddy Mercury x15 IC
- Airborne Mindbender x30 seconds
But they were refuseniks, insisting they only mingle with bootcampers over coffee. Since it wasn’t quite time for caffeine, we filled in with
- Homer to Marge on YHC 10-count, then 8-count, then 6, 4, 2
With moments left before 0615 and a dozen men wishing they had stayed in bed, YHC presented the Mobility Minute® sponsored by the Charlotte Fire Department’s Retiree Association.
- Downward Dog
- Pigeon, left
- Pigeon, right (we went over by 60 seconds but I argued the right buttock would have been jealous otherwise
And with 46 minutes in the books, we recover-recovered. Following a couple of announcements and a heartfelt prayer, we adjourned to Starbucks for coffee and bacon. Bacon? Yeah.
BIG ON THE PIG
With my one and only Q at PAINinsula complete, I have had time to reflect on the assertion that it is the finest AO north of Birkdale. Like any good analyst, I came up with my list of pros and cons:
- CONS: urban setting, parking lot, no coupons, no playground, lack of variety, out of the way, 35 minute ride home
- PROS: great group of guys, #coffeeteria close by, bacon, bacon, bacon
While other AOs may offer more options for the workout, none of the others have a reliable source of smoked, salty, crispy, delicious bacon. For this alone, I deem PAINinsula finest AO in all of Jetton Village if not all of Cornelius. Aye!
SUBSTITUTE’S SPECULATIONS
- Carioca (moving sideways with legs crossing over and behind each other) is purportedly named after the Brazilian’s (known as Cariocans) form of samba dancing. I’ll let you decide whether the pax resemble Brazilian dancers.
- I included Smokey and Calypso in the pax list despite them refusing to join us until we counted off. In fairness, Smokey had already departed the AO to get in a run following his ride. Still, since a #BB is unlikely for these OTB cyclists, it’s only fair I help in keeping them off the Kotter List a litt e longer.
- Cobains to the MQ for taking him into a back alley and drawing blood. In lieu of a good doctor (SWIDT?), YHC offered bandaids from aisle 10, but he declined.
- The pax opined being banned from the parking lot when I called pull-ups, but I’m counting on that becoming a fan favorite with a return in the near future.
- Congrats to Omega on his anniversary. Here’s hoping it’s a special one and I promise to send one of Cheryl’s cookies next year.
- Balls of Fury at Gnarly Goat’s abode Friday from 7-10 PM where we will learn whether the former table curvature was the trick to team Sweet Goat’s previous successes.
- Thanks to Gnarly for the coffee this morning, Omega for swithing dates with me to Q and Outlaw for letting me into Cornelius this morning.