Five of Mountain Island’s finest responded to the Employee Memorandum that outlined management’s position that “The beatings will continue until morale improves.” As promised, the Pax volunteering-ly signed up for and received a beating this early morning at the Quarry. There was a surprising light-ness in the visibility of the gloom since springing forward this past weekend.
Warm-o-Rama
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High knees, Butt kicks, side shuffle step x 2
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Side straddle hop, Toy soldier and Windmill I/C (now known as the Back and Forth (or “B and F” or “BNF” or ……))
The Thang
Although Q is relatively new to Pax management, prior management experience has led him to conclude that a Pax beating can only be properly administered with the aid of two similarly weighted objects. Come get yo bricks! El Tigre came properly equipped with extra gloves for the surprised and unprepared Pax (who knew douche bag Q was going to break out the bricks again?).
Run to back parking lot with weights in hand. Each set on the circuit is three exercises followed by lap around the track, with brick accompaniment to help boost sagging morale levels
First Set – Chest
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Brick mercans (‘Bercans) – 10 I/C
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WWII sit ups with chest fly on the down motion – 15 single count (probably should have stopped ths one at 10 since it got a little sloppy at the end)
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Incline bercans on curb – 10 I/C
Run around track with bricks overhead
Second set – Shoulders
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Carolina Dry Dock (CDD) – 10 I/C
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Brick overhead shoulder presses alternating arms – 15 I/C
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Brick shoulder side extensions – 15 single count
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Brick upright row – 15 I/C – Q breaks promise of three exercises per set, but management has always had an affinity for shoulder exercises
Run around track with bricks out to side (I believe I can fly)
Third set – Gun Show
Pax did such a good job on the first two sets that management rewarded this hard work with additional workload
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10 pull ups OYO
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45 Curls with bricks I/C – (15 low, 15 med to high, and 15 full)
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Bent over row (back) with both arms (is this a thing?) – 15 single count
Run around track with bricks in curl position (Goodbye yellow brick road)
Fourth set – Triceps
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Diamond Bercans – 10 I/C
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Brick dips on curb – 15 I/C (Management receives informal 360 employee feedback thru audible Pax groans)
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Skull crushers with bricks overhead – 15 I/C
Run around track and please don’t forget your bricks.
Fifth set – Legs
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Squats with bricks – 15 I/C
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Apollo Anton Ono with bricks – 15. Although seeming to appear vertically challenged, Arizona covers an incredible width of approximately 10 yards with his speed skating form
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Jump lunges with bricks – 20 single count (more groans)
Don’t run back around track since 1) buses are starting to arrive and 2) probably not the best idea to run past schoolchildren while carrying bricks). Run back to the original parking lot instead
Sixth set – Abs
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Mason Twist with bricks – 15 I/C
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Low dolly leg raise held 6 inches above ground with bricks on ankles for a 10-count by each Pax. Audible brick shuffling by Grip during the set, apparently his cankles can only support one brick at a time
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Meet your maker plank/bercan exercise (or Arizona special, although I can't seem to remember the name of it) – 10 single count
No need for Mary after that one, and Pax seemed very ready to count it off
Moleskine
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North Carolina is an “Employment at Will” state. The term "Employment-at-Will" simply means that unless there is a specific law to protect employees or there is an employment contract providing otherwise, then an employer can treat its employees as it sees fit (including the assignment of demeaning tasks) and the employer can discharge an employee at the will of the employer for any reason or no reason at all.
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Although morale has shown some signs of improvement, there will certainly be more beatings in the future
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Pax met the goals that were outlined for them at the start of the workout. Unfortunately, the company as a whole outside of the Pax did not have a good year so there will be no performance bonuses this year. Please don’t let this fact keep you from working hard in the future
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Be sure to use this pain to go out into the world and do some good!
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Great job men!