At least 10 men emerged from their toasty covers this morning to keep their brothers’ spirits warm if not their bodies. I say “at least” because there were a few men who ran a (stupid) early 5-mile standard, then hopped back in their cars and left pre-workout. I caught a glimpse of F3LKN’s abacus master and I think I heard a ginger too, but I can’t be sure. In any event, the standard does not a workout make so they remain unrecognized here.
4 other men (SweetC, Amen, FunkyTown and YHC met at 0500 for a 2ish mile run. It was by design a man’s run being in the shape of a sperm but my gloves, which did fairly well at keeping my hands warm, interfered with the watch so I’m counting on SweetC or FunkyTown to post the aerial view on Slack or Strava.
There were also 2 early risers doing something ruck-related prior to the workout. In hindsight, I’m guessing it was Red October and Blackberry, but you can correct me in the comments if I’m wrong. You may do the same if I erred on my memory of those at this morning’s workout. Old men and stiff breezes (the only thing stiff this morning) make for poor memory skills.
THE WIND-BLOWN, FROST-BITTEN THANG
The plan for the morning was to stay low to the ground as much as possible to avoid the worst of the wind. Following a disclaimer about poor choices and spooning to prevent hypothermia, I had those who were not raised right (wore shorts only) or lazy (skipped standard) start with 5 burpees while the rest of us moved stright to the CoP:
- SSH, 50 IC (you’re welcome Travolta)
- Windmill, 10 IC
- Mtn Climber, 15 IC
- Cotton Picker, 10 IC
- Slow Squats (down on 3), 15 SC
We lunged walk to the second island, then assembled on the sidewalk along Stumptown. The pax sprinted to the crosswalk at the back side of Grand Oak. Early finishers circled back for the six. Once all were done, we planked walked the length of the the crosswalk, stopping to do a merkin at each painted stripe (roughly 16).
We moseyed down to the roundabout for a kackalacky choo-choo around the full circumference. The cold obviously rattled some brains as we made it at least 25% of the way around with men sticking close together before realizing that spacing themselves out more meant less jumping. After wising up, we wound up with perhaps 4 repeatos before moseying back to crosswalk. Nothing to do here but plank walk in the opposite direction, replacing merkins with CDDs.
Then it was off to the bus lot for ABCD’s where we went up and back through each bus space (16 in all) alternating through 4 cycles each of:
- Alternating lunges (lunge walk, but hey — I needed an A activity)
- Bear crawl
- Crab walk
- Duck walk
YHC quickly fell to the back of the crowd during this section, but I assume everyone else was working hard as well since there was barely a peep from the bears, crabs and ducks.
I was tired by this point and decided we needed to sit down for a bit so we headed to the wall for People’s Chair. I offered to let the MQ lead us in a rousing discussion on feelings while we sat, but since he was (unusually) quiet, we did air presses instead.
At this point YHC decided to do something embarassing. I assume we work out when sane people are still in bed or enjoying a warm mug of coffee specifically to do stupid things when no one is looking, right? So we headed to the cement balls in front of the school where each man picked a ball of his very own and peed on it. Okay, so we did “fire hydrants” (courtesy of a Denver back blast) by raising one leg out to the side to simulate a dog peeing on a hydrant. After 10 IC, we rotated to spray the cement with our other leg.
Finally it was back to the cars for a little cuddling with Mary:
- Low Flutter, 30 IC
- J-Lo, 15 IC (you’re welcome Amen)
- LBC, 25 IC
Recover — make the pax wait for it — recover.
THE CHAPPED, SHRUNKEN, FRIGID MOLESKIN
- Dude, it was cold today. The wind made it doubly so. If I had not been Q I might have fartsacked. BIG THANKS to the men who supported me by not doing the same.
- Kudos to Amen, Travolta, Tagless and Mr Burns (did I miss anyone?) for actually doing the 5 burpee penalty at the beginning. Most of today’s society would claim a micro-aggression and complain that was unfair, but F3 men come from a different mold.
- Rumor is that those closest to Mr Burns at the roundabout wished they had brought a gas mask. I consider myself lucky I was not in his vicinity at the time.
- The MQ said the crosswalk activity was a “clever idea”. The compliment was almost certainly the highlight of my day. It should also be noted that the compliment was not delivered a second time on the return visit.
- No cinder blocks today. Normally I would say that anaerobic activity is closer to my wheelhouse than aerobic exercise, but the thought of holding on to cold cement was not a pleasant one.
- Upcoming events: F3LKN Dad’s Camp, Aug 18-20; Race City 4-Year Anniversary, April 1st; Smithville Park Workout & Cleanup, THIS SATURDAY
Thanks to Mr Burns for asking me to take a Q slot. His method of filling in the calendar was the model for me doing likewise to fill Q spots at Mighty Jungle on Saturdays. Anyone want to Q a Saturday in May? It will be much warmer, I promise. Keep warm men. At least until we meet again later this week!