With Omaha off doing Omaha things – the keys and whistle for Water Wings were entrusted to Holiday.  Based on the wishes of the assembled PAX – we went rouge and staged an EPIC Marco Polo tournament.  Here’s how it went:

• Seeds were based on regular season results
• Matches 1-3 would be best of 3, with the Championship being best of 5
• All tournament rules were based on the IMPF (International Marco Polo Federation) Rulebook
• Fish out of Water – reference rule #1.43B sub section F
• Public Pool “Friendly Neighbor” rules for splashing and noise were enforced.

The combatants:

#1 Seed: Bagboy.  Regular season Record: 19-1.  The only blemish coming in the first match of the season as he forfeited to address the “irregularities” in his off-season performance enhancing drug screen.

#2 Seed: Tammy Faye.  Regular season record: 14-6.  Solid stats all year.  10 of his 14 wins came by way of shutout. 

#3 Seed: Randy.  Regular season record 3-2.  Only participated in matches after the All-Star break.  Spent the early part of the season in a European semi-Pro league.

#4 Seed: Caesar.  Regular Season Record 12-4.  Easily a higher seed if the committee didn’t let his late season injury weigh so heavily on his tournament placement. Injury Update: what could have been a career threatening eye-gouge while practicing with kids in the neighborhood, has healed more quickly than anyone could have expected.  A trip to the Mayo clinic for Marco John surgery saved the eye, and his Polo Playing career.  Maybe that Hall of Fame speedo isn’t just a pipe dream.

#5 Seed: Holiday.  Regular Season Record: 1-19.  Had he not faced off with Bagboy to kick off the season – he would have a goose egg in the win column and proverbial egg on his face.  No one has gone winless in the league since 2008.

Match 1: the play-in round.  Holiday vs. Caesar.  #4 vs. #5. Best of 3.

With the last chords of the Star-Spangled Banner still echoing off of the moist, hallowed walls of the Omnia Construction North Meck Rec Center Natatorium – Caesar was up 1-0.  Blink and you would have missed the second Polo’ing.

Caesar wins 2-0.

Match 2: Tammy Fays vs. Randy. #2 vs. #3. Best of 3.

In what can only be described as a real head scratcher – Tammy Faye won the toss and deferred.  You read that right – he deferred.  Would this turn out to be a lapse of judgement?  Does Tammy Faye have something up his swim cap?  Does anyone even know what it means to defer in Marco Polo?

The first point was a real cat and mouse affair with Randy taking the role of Cat.  Cats hate water, point Tammy Faye.

The second point was just Cats.  Randy distracted Tammy Faye by performing a pitch perfect rendition of MEMORIES from the musical Cats.  With tears in his eyes – Tammy Faye became an easy target. Point Randy.

For the decisive point – the crowd really saw what Randy had been doing during his time in Europe….WINNING.  Point and match – Randy for the upset.

Match 3: Bagboy vs. Caesar #1 vs. #4.  Best of 3.

Even though he was barely tested in his first match – Caesar was up against a well-rested Bagboy.  The debate rages on between Marco Polo pundits – is it better to have a tournament win under your belt, or to come in rested?  Debates are what talk radio is for.  These two didn’t give a damn.  They were both ready to get into the pool and give the fans what they came for. 

Maybe Match 1 took more out of Caesar they anyone realized.  Bagboy was the aggressor from the opening horn and was on Caesar like a Spider Monkey.  Hammer meet Nail.  Bagboy wins 2-0 and punches his ticket to the championship.

Championship Match: Bagboy vs. Randy.  #1 vs. #3.  Best of 5.

Fans with VIP In-Water seats are all pruney and wrinkled.  No one wants to leave.  There’s a good chance the majority have pee’d in the pool.  The lines at the restrooms have been non-existent.  Fans who bought grandstand seats paid for the whole seat – but they’re only using the edge.  You can feel the excitement in the air. 

In a result that surprised no one, Bagboy scores an early first point.  But Randy didn’t come this far to only come this far.  He’s a competitor.  He uses the Swedish Diamond opening, and scores point two.  1-1.

As the players rest on the pool deck between points.  Randy asks for an official.  There’s an audible buzz coming from the crowd.  Following a lengthy discussion – the head official summons Bagboy and asks to inspect his blindfold.  Apparently, Randy was suspicious of the Opaque value of Bagboy’s blinder and asked for a ruling, which is well within his rights. 

After careful inspection – judges ruled that Bagboy’s blindfold doesn’t meet the 99.9% Opacity tournament standard and instead comes in at just under 50%.  Like a feel good YouTube video of a toddler finally getting fit for his first pair of glasses.  HE CAN SEE!!

Bagboy is disqualified. 

Randy is the 2025 Marco Polo Tournament Champ.  The King is dead.  Long live the King. 

Actually, we swam 2,000 yards using one of Omaha ‘s approved workouts – and I hope everyone got what they came for.  100% participation at coffeteria – and we were joined by WMD. 

Peace,

Holiday