A NEW THREAT TO HUNTERSVILLE? THE WORLD?
Brought to you by the Charlotte-Mecklenburg Water Sanitation Department; the McDowell Creek Waste Water Treatment Plant today launched a new aerosolized assault on our olfactory senses this morning. The late-summer warm, moist air, combined with light rain and minimal atmospheric movement, presented ideal conditions for this new chemical / biological offensive.
"I had to consume a LOT of beer, cheese, and raw onions over the past six months to help create the gastrointestinal conditions required for my contribution to the project." quoted local resident Josiah Q. Worley. "It was hell on the kids." quoted his hetero-life-mate who only provided the name 'Gen-E'.
Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has also made the unusual move to contact several members of the Incognitians in hopes of replicating a version of this nasal hellscape for his own planned counter-offensive in the Kherson Oblast against Russia. Offers of unlimited borscht, vodka, and pierogis have enticed several members, but also brought concerns from others. "Not enough red meat or bourbon" quoted one extremely old-looking Davidson resident. Russian officials have protested the move at the UN, seeking to block all Incog visas.
Far from banal, this cocktail of cruelty contained notes of frat house, BRR van, Panthers stadium bathroom at 4:00pm on a hot Sunday, fish market, and Duvall. The best scientific minds on Neck Road all agreed, it was a truly foul experience, and new AO's should be sought in the future.
Reporting live from the front lines, this has been YHC, Jaws, with Laketope News.