THE THANG (AS I REMEMBER IT)
When the alarm went off, I awoke from a glorious night’s sleep, I donned my workout gear and hopped in my car for the short trip to the AO. Because I had extra time, I stopped once or twice along the way to say “good morning” to a colony of rabbits and discuss the current deforestation of Huntersville with a herd of deer. I enjoyed the gurgling stream at the entrance of the neighborhood which reminded me of the chocolate river in Willy Wonka. How did that song of the Oompah Loompah’s go again? When Violet turned into a blueberry, I took the distraction as an opportunity to turn back and check on the little orange folk, and then…
I jolted upright in bed and panicked! Did the alarm go off? What time is it? 0535, whew. No … $&@^, I’m late. The Force will never forgive me after talking him into going at 10 PM last night despite his bourbon hangover. As I rushed to get my clothes on, get out the door and get to the AO as quickly as possible, I thought that surely he would take the reigns and lead some light stretching or something until I showed up. Sure, the pax would ridicule me for being late, but only for a moment as we’ve all overslept at one time or another.
When I arrived at the AO, I was greeted by a dumpster fire. Jorel had apparently not understood the concept of a “no run” workout and had called for the Matterhorn — a workout with running between every set of exercises. The Force was notably pissed off and Frontier wouldn’t even look in my direction. It was clear I had to get things under control, and quick!
The rules were simple.®
Turn over two cards. Make a match, take them out of play and look for another pair. Miss, and do the exercises on both cards before returning them to their face-down position. Next player up. Repeat.
Despite giving the pax an extra 15 minutes to clear the brain fog, they became a pack of rambling morons. Lots of snide comments about the game. Lots of downright hostile comments about the Q. I tried to offer some pearls of wisdom, but the pax insisted on doing all the exercises instead. At least until Soprano took a turn and showed his peers why he drives around in the company truck. He managed two matches before giving in to the pax who were restless to do more reps. When it became clear that we would not finish the game before the workout ended, I offered to let Titan cheat… and he still couldn’t make a match. We did a few more exercises and called it a morning. I’d say that was the best 30 minute workout I’ve led in about a decade.
OTHER TITLES CONSIDERED
- What’s the Matter, Horn?
- Better Late Than Never
- If Memory Serves
- Groiner Position, You’re In It
- Save the Best for Last
- Just Finish Me Off
DID I DREAM IT?
- Kudos to Jorel for offering to take the lead in my absence, but why the Matterhorn?
- Nice to see 9-Lives and Soprano this morning; it’s been awhile. I just wish we had more time to catch up.
- Titan tried to hump my face, but lucky for me Skye was there to interject.
- Talking Heads is all business, but Frontier makes up for it with all party in the back.
- I fully expected the Force to bail on coffee, but he’s a better man than I and took me up on my offer to pay.
- Date Night at Primal tonight, beginning at 7 PM. Bring the M (or come stag) for drinks, food and merriment.
- 10 Year F3/LKN anniversary convergence at BRP on Saturday. Arrive 6:30, Workout 0645, Coffee 0800.