F3 is all about reinvigorating male leadership. Today, I embraced all three elements of that organizational purpose at Paininsula by reinvigorating the collected males with my effective leadership. The most important part of being a leader, I’ve often heard, is showing up. That’s where I shine. If I say I’m going to be there, I’m going to be there (and not at another AO because I thought I had signed up to Q Paininsula next week, either. Why would you even think that?) You can count on me. Come hell or high water, I will step up to lead in a way that is meaningful and memorable. Like I did today. At Paininsula. 

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The workout was well-attended thanks to my humorous and inspiring preblast that was definitely sent early the previous day. Nobody has ever seen a crowd like that before. We started with a short but rousing speech by Your Humble Correspondent. I would be false modesty if I failed to report that by the close of my recitation, there was not a dry eye in the crowd. Outlaw seemed particularly moved, proving that his veneer of stoic masculinity is a mere façade that falls away in the presence of passionate prose, like the molted exoskeleton of a pre-coital cicada. I’m happy to have inspired you, my brother.

The workout was, by all accounts, one for the record books. The men were so inspired by my unique exercise choices that the most common refrain was “Thank you sir! May I have another?” Perhaps most shocking was Outlaw repeatedly requesting—nay demanding—“More burpees!” and I was happy to oblige.

All told, in our allotted 45-minute time frame, we completed 2,000 repetitions (1,000 of them burpees) and just over 8 miles at a brisk pace. All pax maintained perfect form for every exercise and kept in a tight pack for every run. And not one complaint was heard (and I had my hearing aids in, so I would have heard it). It was, empirically, the finest workout ever conducted in F3 and perhaps in the history of the world. 

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After the workout, the Circle of Trust supplication was so moving and invigorating that it prompted one of our number, who shall remain nameless*, to pull me aside and say, with tears in his eyes: “Sir, I want you to know that you. . .complete me.” It wasn’t a gay thing. (I’m surprised you even went there.) It was simply a touching moment between one very average man and the exceptional human being who inspired him.

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I have never been so proud of my brothers as I was this morning at Paininsula (where I definitely showed up to Q). It’s my honor to be your most popular leader by far and I leave you, my loyal followers, with the best advice you will ever receive: if you are ever—in the mundanity of your own lives—called to be a leader, be like Jersey Boy. Show up.

* (It was Outlaw.)