0415 comes early, especially during the first weekend of March Madness. But nevertheless I knew I was on the calendar to Q at Emmaus so despite the sub-freezing temperature I donned the green tights to do homage to St Patrick and headed for Birkdale. With any luck, it’d be a good workout.
I had had a plan for this workout for over two weeks. Numbers are generally small which worked for what I had in mind so I was a little nervous when I got to Starbucks to find well over a dozen guys standing around. I figured I could modify my plan as needed, but realized that wouldn’t be neccessary as men headed out in several smaller groups to run. In the end we had just four, witho one carrying a ruck. Already 3 minutes behind schedule, we moseyed toward the lingerie store for some window shopping.
GREEN WITH ENVY
We started things off with SSH (30 IC). Blackberry was going to remove his ruck, but I convinced him to keep it on and do overhead seal claps along with us. Next we did Mountain Climbers (15 IC) and then Monkey Humpers (15 IC) because Victoria’s Secret. We threw in some IST (15 IC) for good measure and then the penalty was dished out. Everyone wears green on St Patrick’s Day right? Nope, but those who didn’t gave a penance of 10 burpees. The other two enjoyed the luck of the Irish as they stood, watched, and gave thanks for their good fortune.
POOR PLANNING
We moseyed to the nearby parking deck. The brilliant plan I had for two weeks was to do a modified DORA with 200 merkins, 400 squats and 600 LBCs as a group with each man rotating through stations and the 4th running a lap up the ramp and down the stairs. It sounded great in my mind but as I was explaining it, I realized that in a normal, partner Dora each team finishes one exercise before beginning the next. Keeping up with cumulative counts for three exercises is beyond the brain capacity of 4 men at 0500. But we managed to get through it with minimal brain cramps. I probably won’t bring that one back.
MAKE IT UP AS YOU GO
The planned workout was done and we had 25 minutes to go. With a spent weinke, I had to come up with something to fill the rest of the time. Well, let’s quadrophelia up the ramp and bear crawl down. That was fun, but didn’t inspire any other ideas. How about we do People’s Chair for 3 minutes while I think of something else? Check. Off to the low, brick wall for some derkins and incline merkins. Still have 15 minutes to blow. What else can we do?
AMBIGUOUSLY GAY QUARTET
We moseyed to the fountain across from the theater. I was wearing green tights which I had last worn a decade ago for a Halloween costume. Hey, my Aquaman getup was a hit back then. They did nothing to keep my legs warm but they justified the earlier burpee penalty so it was worth it. But I digress.
I decided on some glute bridges with feet on the bench. Bad idea. Let’s try crunches with feet up. They were coined “Feet Up Crunches, Kay?” which made for a great F3 acronym. They sucked too. Feeling a little effeminate in the green tights, we went with the Jane Fonda-esque side leg raises albeit without a cool nickname. As has been the case in the past, the guys joked about the FiA movement until rep 13 or so when they really started to burn. I care about your glutes. Since we were already aboard the gay train, we followed that up with some backward leg raises on all fours.
BACK TO WHERE IT ALL BEGAN
We moseyed back to the circle for some yoga because that’s what guys in green tights do. Downward dog transformed into upward dog. Then on to plank as a base from which we could pigeon with each leg getting a turn to stretch. The guys were relieved when I finally uttered the magical, “recover, recover”.
ERIN GO BRAGH!
- TClaps to Blackberry for wearing a ruck throughout the workout. Despite weighing less than me without a ruck, I know the shifting weight makes a workout a lot worse. I applaud your for ETS.
- We need more opportunities for stretching. Yes, there’s an option on Wednesday but we need more options like we need more cowbell. Jedi, Meet Recover. #otisbomb
- The green tights did absolutely nothing to keep the legs warm. Seriously, what’s the point of tights if they don’t keep you warm?
- Speaking of tights, Red October mentioned wearing white to a co-ed pajama party to simulate his preference for sleeping in the buff. Note to self: do not sleep in the same cabin with Red October at F3 Dad’s Camp.
- Speaking of camp, F3 Lake Norman is hosting there own weekend at Camp Thunderbird on August 18-20. The Nation is doing the same a week earlier if that weekend works better for you, but otherwise keep an eye out for details on joining your LKN brothers and 2.0s.
- If you can carve out a couple hours TOMORROW MORNING to help with some community service, please see the announcement on the website or check with Cornwallis on Twitter. We have been asked to help clean up unwanted items from homes near Smithville Park. We could use your help between 8-10 AM.
Thanks go to Jedi for the personal invite to Q at Emmaus. Thanks also to Jimmy O, Red October and Blackberry for sticking with me rather than running with the crowd. Thanks to Jingles for leading on the 3rd F portion of the morning. Good luck to the men running the Palmetto 200 next week — I hope they decide to rejoin the pax once the event is done. It was awkward seeing them talking it up post-run while the rest of us were discussing how to be better leaders. Happy St Paddy’s Day!